billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize