Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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