You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
