If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
