Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
