he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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