he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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