Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize