3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
