uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
