I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
