I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
