It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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