My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
