I never want to see another naked old woman again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
