I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
