So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
