Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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