I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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