i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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