she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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