Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have aggressive nipples.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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