You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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