I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
