I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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