Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
