your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
