I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
