I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
