dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
try to milk me bitch
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
