I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What a dumb baby whore.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
