Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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