just come out here and I will go home with you...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
