This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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