I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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