no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize