Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
