im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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