I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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