She is in my trunk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
