Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
