I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
