he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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