my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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