I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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