AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
