My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
