Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i think my cat just said my name.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
