my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
