I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
