I'm jealous of your bromance
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
