Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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