I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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