omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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