I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize