Me. At least after what I've been through.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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