is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
