I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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