You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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