ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
