I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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