Is it because I queefed?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
