Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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