We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
