ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
