We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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