Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
