you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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