I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
